Feeling adrift, aimless. I have to watch that I don't drift and cruise too much through these days, and waste time. And yet, I must also allow it to happen, as it is a natural part of the process and phase I am in at the moment.
Eric Carle's children's book, 'The Hungry Caterpillar', opens with the words (I hope I remember correctly) ... 'In the light of the moon, a little egg lay on a leaf' … That's me. Again. I'll explain.
Not so long ago I worked out a theory. My theory was that in my life a pattern could be worked out that reflected / imitated the life-cycle of a butterfly.
When I look back on my life up until the present time, I can see how it fits. So far, I have passed through two butterfly cycles. I am now back at the 'egg phase', characterised by reflecting, collating, dreaming. (It was the stage when I was a baby through to seven years old, receiving impressions - quietly on the surface, busily in my brain – and exploring and discovering new things).
The second time I entered the egg phase, I was 28 years old and a young mother to (eventually) three boys. This was a time of focussing on what was around me, ordering the environment so that I wasn't too overwhelmed in my role as mother, seeking the friendship and company of other mothers of young,… receiving impressions, quietly, freely exploring and discovering life through the eyes of my children.
Now, at the age of 57, I am in the egg phase once again; this time a grandmother and entering another reflecting, gathering, gleaning and thinking stage.
Of course this is a personal theory only, but for interest sake, this is how I would describe the stages:
EGG: Patient years: dreaming, reflective, gleaning, gathering, exploring, thinking, experiencing, conjecturing.
CATERPILLAR: Hungry years: busy, energetic, working, motivated, confident, achieving, planning, involved, enforcing, moving on.
CHRYSALIS: Formative years: protecting, buffering, withdrawing, guarding, retracting, analysing, establishing, consolidating.