Follow by Email

Thursday, 23 August 2007


Towards St Clair from St Kilda

I woke up last night (or more aptly, early this morning) and couldn't get back to sleep. From 1.30 a.m. to 4.00 a.m. I was kept awake by thoughts of why I wasn't enjoying work, and why I wasn't writing - knowing full well that the two things are linked.

I decided I wasn't taking a pro-active enough approach. Lately my life-attack skills have been lacking in oomph. I resolved to once more take on my more characteristic resilient approach. Then I went back to sleep.

Close-up of oyster shell

In the morning, I woke up knowing that any shortfall in my sleep tally was going to be more than made up for by the new resolution I now felt. I was also counting on using up some of that positive, mental energy I'd managed to store while lying there planning in the dark.

As a consequence, work today was enjoyable. All it took was my sleep broken in the middle, and a lot of angst in the early hours.

All it took was remembering who I was and why I am here at all. These are the things I thought about in the dead of the night as I listened to the wind soughing in the big pines at the back of our house. As I heard the rain and small twigs and cones dropping on to our corrugated iron roof.

The big thoughts you have in the middle of the night as panic is slowly replaced by purpose.

Cat lying on concrete path

In the morning I felt like I had been round and round and out the other side.

Tonight however, I need my bed to stop acting like a psychiatrist's couch. Tonight I just want to sleep.


McDinzie said...

oh how I hate the nighttime/early mornings horrors.....hope you get some sleep have a big weekend ahead

wendy said...

I haven't been sleeping well, either. But my mood shows no improvement for it....

Gave a little shout out to you at my lttle thank you, if you will...

Tammy said...

I'm glad I don't have a shrink with those hours. lol Glad it helped. :) HUGS

Catherine said...

I hope you continue to feel more positive about work. I'm actually enjoying mine, but would still like double the pay and half the hours :)

pepektheassassin said...

WooHoo! Your book came in the mail today! It's REAL! And not just a cyber picture. Can't wait to read it!

Cailleach said...

But you came out of it with such a good sense of resolve. I call it giving myself a good talking to. Funnily enough in the winter is when I need them too.

Wanderlust Scarlett said...

First, I know exactly what you mean about waking up in the middle of the night when my subconcious has overflowed with some concern or issue I've been mulling over... it's not a bad time to grab a pen and jot down a few things in that journal on the nightstand.

Second... I LOVE the images you capture with your lens... what a wonderful photographer you are. Have I said that to you lately? You're awesome with a camera.

Scarlett & Viaggiatore

apprentice said...

Hope you did sleep, and that the work thing has resolved rather than just going off the boil.

Remiman said...

I sleep from 8 pm 'til midnight like a rock. From then until 0330 i drift in and out of a daydream sort of sleep. It sucks, but what are you gonna do?

Clare said...

My sympathies, CB. Exhausting. Sounds like you coped with it well though. Have you ever tried getting up and just writing? I find it gets whatever it is out of my system - then I creep back in again and sleep. Sometimes I think I produce my best work.

Congratulations on your book BTW! The cover is wonderful. Just checked Amazon UK but it's not out until September over here. Look forward to getting it then.

chiefbiscuit said...

mcd - I did get a good sleep. And now, back from a great weekend away; feel even more refreshed. :)

wendy - Hi back to you - and thank you for the shout out - will go see :)

tammy - Ha!! I have an odd way of working thru things sometimes!

catherine - I had a fantastic two days at the end of last week and am hopeful of it continuing this new week - will keep you posted.

pepek - Wow - fantastic. Let me know what you think ...

cailleach - Yes that is exactly what it was - must be my Irish genes coming to the fore.

scarlett - You overwhelm me with your encouragement - thank you. :)

apprentice - I am hopeful - but, yes, the Celtic reserve I have been blessed? with makes me a little guarded!

rel - I've heard that if you can get four hours of solid sleep, that is what your body really needs - the rest is a bonus ...

clare - Thanks for congrats and news re book.
I sometimes get up - but as I have to put in contact lenses, find that it is too much hassle, so I tend to just lie there and think and plot instead ...


'how this all harbours light'